Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Why I Chose to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom



A couple of years ago, I went to the wedding reception of my cousin, Nicole, one of my uncles that has an office in Manhattan asked/told me something like, "Why are there so many well-educated women who are already in debt and let their husbands and families go into even more debt so they can stay home with their children?  It seems to me that it would be much better for them to be working than accumulating so much debt and putting their families into financial bondage."

This uncle is well-known for being very good with words and being able to convince anyone of about anything.  Oddly enough, I felt completely calm and even keeled and was going to answer him when my mother asked me to go do something with her.  

What I was going to tell him was that, for me personally (I realize this is not the proper situation for all), I felt that for the present, I really needed to be a stay-at-home-mom.  That doesn't mean I'm going to put all my dreams in the trash and walk away, it means that for now, you are my focus.  You are the future.  You have immense promise and potential and, for now, I feel I need to be able to raise you to be strong, hard-working individuals that could be the future of our country.  You are incredibly important to me!  You will be able to do amazing things if you choose and work for them.

The reason I am using photos from last February of you jumping in Prospect Park is because
to me, jumping is always taking a chance.  Very few jumps are exactly alike and
they all require a bit of faith and hope that the landing will be great.  That is how I look
at what I do, as a leap of faith and a hope of great things to come.
Yes, I do get a little envious when I look at mothers that work outside the home or work at home, sometimes.  They seem to thrive and run circles around me and all I get done. I really respect them for that and marvel at all they do. Maybe one day I will be like that too.  But for now, I feel like there is a need for me to be here, with you, at a pace that I can manage. 

When it comes right down to it, I feel incredibly blessed to be able to stay at home and be with you. Daddy works so hard for us, we are incredibly blessed to have him making it possible for me to be here with you.


I feel like a sponge attempting to remember and retain all the precious moments with you--like Friday when I was walking you to school in the rain and T, you grabbed my hand and cupped it in both of your hands and said, "Mom, I don't want your hand to get cold!" You kept skipping and smiling all the way to school and I felt so blessed.  Also, when you turned and looked at me as we were walking and you said, point-blank, "Mom, I wish you could carry me." To which I answered, "I wish you could carry me, too!"  Then you looked at me and said in slight astonishment, "Mom, only Dad can carry you!"

I also love it when you all give the I-love-you sign and lay next to me on the bed at bed time while I read to you.  I love to hear you singing a song you've just made up or the songs that you've been practicing. I love noticing the improvements that you've been making in your instrument of choice. I love it when you come right away when I call you and you use your sweetest voice! :)

Also from last February, inside our apartment home.  I adore this photo!  You like to help each other, a lot!
I feel I should mention, that while I have focused on you primarily I have striven to accomplish other things as we've played together.  I got a masters degree, wrote a screen play (not great, but it is written), worked on writing fiction and blogging (facts) extensively, I have become a better cook/photographer/ponder-er/time manager/dishwasher/background extra/interviewer/listener/etc.  I have a lot of things I want to do and am working on one thing at time.  I love that you seem to get interested in what interests me. You want to contribute to the blog--videos, anecdotes, writing in your journal.  I love it!

More than anything, I love you!

"The Voice"
by Shel Silverstein

There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
"I fell that this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What's right for you--just listen to the voice that speaks inside. 

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